I just feel so overwhelmed. Happy and sad at the same time. And also scared. I don‘t talk about private things too intensely on my blog but today I just feel like it. I gotta be honest. I‘ve been looking for a job for quiet some time now. I decided to start my apprenticeship in 2020 and finished it in 2023 as an Upholsterer/Interior decorateur. It became my passion and the best job I ever had. But everything seemed to slowly fall appart. My apprenticeship contract ended and it wasn‘t renewed into an employee contract. I started looking for other jobs but it’s hard to find jobs as an upholsterer. I worked at many different places but I was never happy. I was never good enough.
I have dycalculia which is a learning disability that‘s affecting working with numbers/maths etc. I felt very dumb all my life. I tried to hide it as best as I can. It felt so humiliating. Somehow I made it through school and the apprenticeship. The feeling of not being good enough filled every part of my life.
And now I‘m here trying to finds ways into work. Without many possibilities. And suddenly my mom brings up an idea. I could go to master school for upholstery/interior decoration. I had that in mind for a while but it‘s really expensive and you need to have some experience in that job… well you don‘t have to. The only thing you really need are the completed training for that job and some money.
I need to move to another city. Find an apartment. And start the master school in febuary. It sounds absolutely insane but I will do it. My mom is going to help me financially. It’s my only way to be able to study art history after that. It’s one of those once in a lifetime opportunities. It has been my dream for a long time and I always felt like I‘m too dumb for it. But now I will just do it. It’s not gonna be easy especially with my dsycalculia. But I know I can do it. I wanna prove myself that I can do it and that I‘m not too dumb.
I think it‘s time to prepare for moving. I’m crying because I feel so sad and happy and I don’t know if the weight is falling off my shoulders or if there’s even more weight that’s been put on.
hey Limi, I dont have dsycalculia but Ive always sucked at math even when I liked it :( it also made me feel so stupid, especially because people treated me like I was dumb (even though often these people were bad at art or language or smth else I was good at and I didnt treat them like they were dumb). If you're passionate about your craft and kind to people you cant be dumb, thats the rules LOL my mum is actually a renovator/upholsterer too and she also works as an interior designer, work opportunities are really dry in general. I think if you go to study, especially what you love, that's amazing and you should try for sure! I wish you lots of luck!
ReplyDeleteThank you much! That means a lot to me <3
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